Signs You Need Healthy Boundaries and How to Start Setting Them
- Kristin Kurian
- Sep 9
- 2 min read
If you’ve ever said “yes” when every part of you wanted to say “no,” you’re not alone. In a world that often rewards overcommitment and constant availability, setting healthy boundaries can feel nearly impossible. For people who struggle with people-pleasing, the idea of saying “no” can bring up guilt, fear, or anxiety. But here’s the truth: healthy boundaries aren’t selfish. They’re a powerful form of self-care, and they’re essential for protecting your mental health and emotional energy.
Why Boundaries Are So Hard to Set
Many people find boundary setting challenging for cultural, relational, or personal reasons:
Cultural messages often teach us that being “good” means being agreeable, accommodating, and always available.
Family dynamics may have reinforced people-pleasing if love or approval depended on meeting others’ needs before your own.
Personal fears like rejection, conflict, or disappointing others can make boundary setting feel like a risk rather than a necessity.
When these patterns go unchecked, you may find yourself feeling resentful, exhausted, or disconnected from your true self.
What Healthy Boundaries Look Like
Healthy boundaries are clear, respectful, and consistent. They allow you to care for yourself while still caring for others.
Some examples include:
Letting a coworker know you can’t take on another project right now.
Saying no to social plans when you need rest.
Telling a friend you’d rather not discuss a certain topic.
Turning off work notifications after hours.
Expressing your feelings calmly instead of holding in resentment.
These may feel uncomfortable at first, but with practice, they become natural expressions of self-respect.
How Boundaries Improve Mental Health
When you set and maintain boundaries, you’re not just protecting your time, you’re protecting your well-being.
The benefits include:
Reduced stress and burnout from overcommitting.
Healthier relationships built on mutual respect rather than obligation.
Increased self-esteem as you learn to prioritize your needs and values.
Greater emotional balance because you’re no longer stretched beyond your limits.
Boundaries free up energy for the things and people that truly matter.
How Therapy Can Help You Build Boundaries
Learning to set boundaries is a skill, and like any skill, it takes practice. Therapy provides a safe space to:
Explore what makes boundary setting hard for you.
Learn boundary setting tips tailored to your personality and relationships.
Role-play difficult conversations so you feel more confident.
Get accountability and support when old people-pleasing habits resurface.
A therapist can help you move from guilt and fear into clarity and confidence, empowering you to create healthy boundaries that align with your values.
Call to Action
If you’re ready to stop people-pleasing and start building stronger, healthy boundaries, therapy can help.
You don’t have to do this alone. [Schedule a consultation] today and take the first step toward protecting your time, energy, and mental health.
Kristin Kurian, RP, MHSc, MA is a Registered Psychotherapist in Toronto specializing in chilldhood trauma, anxiety, and life transitions. Drawing on 30 years of experience in healthcare and advanced training in psychotherapy, Kristin supports teens, young adults, and parents in building self-awareness, strengthening healthy boundaries, and improving mental health. At A New Perspective Psychotherapy, Kristin provides compassionate, evidence-based care both in-person and online across Ontario.
