What If CBT-I Didn’t Work For My Insomnia?
- Kristin Kurian
- Oct 15
- 4 min read
Exploring a deeper, more compassionate approach to insomnia and sleepless nights
When “Doing Everything Right” Still Doesn’t Work
If you’ve tried Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I) and still find yourself awake at 2 a.m., staring at the ceiling, you’re not alone. Many people start CBT-I hoping it will be the key to finally sleeping through the night — and when it doesn’t seem to work, it can feel discouraging, even hopeless.
The truth is, insomnia is rarely just about sleep. It’s deeply connected to our emotions, nervous system, and the parts of ourselves that hold stress, worry, or vigilance. So if CBT-I hasn’t helped as much as you’d hoped, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed — it might mean there’s something deeper going on that deserves compassion and curiosity rather than control.
Why Sleep Is Essential for Mental Health
Sleep isn’t just “rest.” It’s a cornerstone of mental health — regulating mood, memory, and emotional balance. During sleep, the brain clears toxins, integrates emotional experiences, and restores the body’s systems. Without enough of it, we become more reactive, anxious, and overwhelmed.
For those living with chronic insomnia, this lack of rest can create a painful cycle: stress makes it hard to sleep, and not sleeping amplifies stress, anxiety, and depression. Healing this cycle often requires more than changing bedtime routines — it means exploring what’s happening inside, emotionally and physiologically, that keeps the body from feeling safe enough to rest.
Why CBT-I Doesn’t Work for Everyone's Insomnia
CBT-I is an evidence-based therapy designed to change unhelpful sleep habits and thoughts that fuel insomnia. For many people, it works beautifully. But others find that despite following all the recommendations — consistent wake times, limited naps, avoiding screens — their body still won’t relax.
Here’s why that can happen:
Unresolved stress or trauma: The body might remain in “alert mode,” even when you’re physically safe.
Perfectionistic parts: You might have internal pressure to “do sleep right,” which actually increases anxiety.
Emotional suppression: Some parts of you might use wakefulness as protection — keeping you busy or distracted from feelings that arise in stillness.
Night-time hypervigilance: If your nervous system learned that the dark or quiet isn’t safe, your body may resist deep sleep as a form of protection.
In these cases, forcing structure or self-discipline often backfires. What’s needed isn’t more control — it’s compassion, curiosity, and connection with the parts of you that are struggling.
How IFS and Parts Work Can Help
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy invites you to explore your inner world with kindness. Instead of trying to “fix” your insomnia, you begin to understand the parts of you that might be keeping you awake — anxious parts that worry about the next day, vigilant parts that don’t feel safe to rest, or exhausted parts that just want relief.
Through IFS, you learn to listen to these parts with compassion instead of judgment. Often, insomnia softens when your inner system feels safer and more connected. Sleep isn’t forced — it’s allowed. You might discover that your wakefulness has been your body’s way of saying, “Something inside still needs my attention.”
When that attention is given — gently, respectfully, and without pressure — sleep naturally begins to return.
How DBT Skills Support Rest and Emotional Regulation
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) complements IFS beautifully by offering practical, grounding tools for emotional regulation and nervous-system balance.
Skills like mindfulness and distress tolerance help you calm racing thoughts and reduce nighttime rumination. Emotion regulation tools build resilience against the ups and downs of daily stress. And interpersonal effectiveness skills support healthier relationships — because tension during the day often follows us into the night.
Together, IFS and DBT create a powerful framework for both understanding and soothing the inner world that keeps sleep out of reach.
Practical Next Steps for Healing Insomnia
If CBT-I hasn’t worked, here are some gentle, evidence-informed ways to move forward:
Soften the rules around sleep. Instead of rigid schedules, focus on building a sense of calm and safety before bed.
Notice your parts. When you can’t sleep, ask with curiosity, “Which part of me is awake right now, and what is it worried about?”
Ground in your body. Try mindful breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or placing a hand on your heart — signals that tell the nervous system, “You’re safe.”
Reframe the goal. The goal isn’t perfect sleep — it’s restoring trust between your mind and body.
Seek compassionate support. Working with a therapist trained in IFS or DBT can help you untangle the deeper emotional patterns linked to your insomnia.
How Therapy Can Help You Sleep Again
Therapy offers a safe space to slow down, explore the emotions behind your wakefulness, and learn new ways to soothe your body and mind. Whether it’s through IFS therapy or DBT-informed strategies, the focus is on helping you reconnect with yourself — not just as someone who can’t sleep, but as someone whose body is doing its best to protect you.
When you approach insomnia with self-understanding instead of self-blame, change becomes possible.
Take the Next Step
If you’ve tried CBT-I and still find yourself lying awake, please know there is still hope. Together, we can explore what’s happening beneath the surface and help your body feel safe enough to rest again.
✨ [Schedule a consultation] to begin your journey toward restorative sleep and deeper self-understanding.
Written by Kristin Kurian, RP, MA, MHSC, CCTP
Kristin is a Registered Psychotherapist and founder of A New Perspective Psychotherapy in Ontario. She helps teens, young adults, and parents navigate anxiety, trauma, and transitions using trauma-informed, mindfulness-based, and parts-work approaches.
You can learn more about Kristin at anewperspective.ca.
