Supporting a Teen With Anxiety Without Over-Rescuing
- Kristin Kurian
- Oct 28
- 3 min read
It’s hard to watch your teen struggle with anxiety. Every instinct tells you to step in and make things easier, to calm their worries, to help them avoid what’s causing distress, or to reassure them until they feel better. As parents, our job has always been to protect. But when anxiety shows up, protecting too much can unintentionally keep our teens stuck.
Understanding the Teen Anxiety Cycle
Anxiety isn’t just “nerves.” It’s the body’s alarm system, designed to keep us safe. When a teen feels anxious about something (like presenting in class or going to a social event), their brain sends a “danger” signal. Avoiding the situation makes that alarm turn off, which feels like relief. But that relief also teaches the brain that the only way to feel safe is to avoid.
Over time, avoidance reinforces anxiety. The next time a similar situation comes up, the brain says, “Remember what happened last time? Let’s skip it again.”
This is how the anxiety-avoidance cycle forms, and where over-rescuing can accidentally keep it going.
What Over-Rescuing Looks Like (and Why It’s So Common)
Over-rescuing can take many forms:
Letting your teen stay home when they’re anxious about school or an event
Reassuring them over and over (“It’s fine, you’ll be okay”)
Speaking up for them in uncomfortable situations
Handling problems so they don’t have to feel distress
All of these actions come from love. You want to help your teen feel safe, that’s natural. But when you step in too quickly, the message they receive (without realizing it) is: “I can’t handle this on my own.”
And that’s exactly the opposite of what helps anxiety heal.
Why Letting Teens Face Discomfort Builds Strength
It might sound counterintuitive, but small, supported exposure to discomfort helps your teen’s nervous system learn that anxiety doesn’t last forever, and that they can handle it.
When a teen stays in a challenging situation long enough to see that nothing terrible happens, their brain updates its prediction of danger. Gradually, anxiety loses its power.
The goal isn’t to push them into overwhelming situations, but to find that “just right” level of challenge where they can stretch and succeed. Think of it as emotional strength training, one step at a time.
How to Support Without Over-Rescuing
Try these practical ways to stay supportive while still encouraging independence:
Validate before you problem-solve.“I can see this feels really hard right now.” Validation calms the nervous system so the logical brain is more accessible.
Encourage small steps.“How about we stay at the party for 10 minutes and see how it feels?” Gradual exposure builds confidence.
Model calm confidence.Teens pick up on our cues. When you stay grounded, they borrow your calm.
Praise effort, not avoidance.“I noticed how you took a deep breath before going in - that took courage.”
These moments help teens internalize the belief, “I can do hard things.”
How Therapy Can Help
Anxiety can affect more than just mood, it can shape sleep, friendships, school performance, and family life. Working with a therapist who understands adolescent development and anxiety can make a big difference.
In teen anxiety therapy, we teach both teens and parents strategies to break the anxiety-avoidance cycle. Teens learn to regulate their emotions, challenge anxious thoughts, and face fears safely. Parents learn how to support without over-rescuing, creating an environment that fosters confidence and independence.
If You’re Feeling Stuck
If you’ve been trying to help your teen and it feels like nothing’s working, you’re not alone. It takes time, patience, and the right kind of support. Therapy can provide that bridge, helping your teen find calm, courage, and a sense of control again.
You can schedule a consultation to learn more about how I work with teens and families experiencing anxiety. Together, we can help your teen feel more capable, one step at a time.
About the Author
Kristin Kurian, Registered Psychotherapist (RP), supports teens, young adults, and parents across Ontario through evidence-based and compassionate approaches like mindfulness, DBT, and Internal Family Systems. Her practice, A New Perspective Psychotherapy, helps families navigate anxiety, emotional regulation, and major life transitions with clarity and confidence.
