Feeling Lonely at University? Why the First Few Weeks Can Feel So Hard
A grounded guide for Ontario students when campus life does not feel the way you expected.
University can look intensely social from the outside. Orientation photos, residence dinners, club fairs, and group chats create the impression that everyone else has already found their people.
Your actual experience may be quieter. You can spend the day surrounded by people and still eat dinner alone. You may miss home, wait for someone to text, or wonder why the friendships you expected have not happened yet. None of this means you chose the wrong school or that you are failing at university.
The short answer
Yes, it is normal to feel lonely during the first weeks of university. A major transition interrupts familiar routines, relationships, and your sense of belonging. Connection usually grows through repeated, ordinary contact, not one perfect orientation event. Start small, return to the same places, and seek support if loneliness is affecting daily life.
How can you feel lonely when you are around people all day?
Loneliness is not the same as being physically alone. It is the feeling that the connection you have does not match the connection you need. That is why a crowded lecture hall, busy residence floor, or active group chat can feel isolating.
Starting university can remove many of the conditions that made older friendships feel easy: shared history, familiar routines, the same lunch table, and people who already understand your sense of humour. At school, you may be meeting dozens of people while being truly known by no one yet.
Why are the first few weeks of university so lonely?
· You are starting from zero more often. Simple things - finding a seat, asking someone for coffee, or entering a club alone—require extra effort when the social map is new.
· Early social life can feel performative. People often show their busiest, most confident moments while keeping homesickness, uncertainty, and quiet evenings private.
· Your routines have disappeared. Meals, sleep, exercise, commuting, studying, and weekends may no longer have a predictable shape.
· Old relationships are changing. Friends at home may have different schedules, new friends, or their own transition. Missing them can coexist with wanting a life at university.
· Your situation may not match the campus script. Commuter, international, first-generation, mature, and online students can face different barriers to the spontaneous connection university marketing tends to show.
Loneliness among young people is not rare. In an August–September 2021 Statistics Canada survey, 23 per cent of Canadians aged 15 to 24 said they always or often felt lonely. That pandemic era figure is not a current estimate of university students, but it is a useful reminder that many young people carry this feeling quietly.
What can you do when university feels lonely?
The goal is not to become socially busy overnight. It is to create enough repeated contact for familiarity and trust to have somewhere to grow.
1. Choose one place you can return to. Pick a tutorial, club, intramural team, campus job, faith group, volunteer shift, gym class, or regular study spot. Repetition matters more than finding the perfect activity. Seeing the same people lowers the effort required to start the next conversation.
2. Make one low-stakes invitation. Try something specific and easy to answer: “I’m grabbing coffee before class, want to come?” “Are you studying here after the lecture?” or “Want to walk to the bus stop together?” Small invitations are how acquaintances become familiar.
3. Turn a good moment into a repeat. If a conversation goes well, do not wait for chance to recreate it. Suggest the same lunch time next week, a shared study session, or going to the next club meeting together.
4. Build one anchor at home and one at school. A planned call with someone who knows you. Pair it with something that belongs to your new life, a weekly class, meal, walk, or study session, so connection to home does not have to carry your entire sense of belonging.
5. Give empty time a little shape. Unplanned evenings and weekends can amplify loneliness. A simple plan—groceries, laundry, a library hour, movement, and one point of contact, can make the day feel less endless without filling every minute.
6. Reduce comparison when it is distorting the picture. If social media or residence group chats leave you convinced that everyone is connecting except you, take a short break or limit when you check them. You are seeing selected moments, not the whole transition.
What if reaching out feels awkward?
It probably will feel awkward sometimes. New connection asks you to act before you know how the other person will respond. A declined invitation can mean they have class, work, a commute, or no energy; it is not reliable evidence that you are unlikeable.
Aim for clear rather than impressive. You do not need a clever opening line or a big personal disclosure. Comments about the shared situation are enough: the assignment, the room, the bus, the food, or the next event. Belonging is often built from ordinary conversations that become less ordinary over time.
When is loneliness a sign that you need more support?
A lonely week does not automatically mean something is wrong. Pay closer attention when the feeling is persistent, your world is getting smaller, or it is affecting sleep, appetite, concentration, class attendance, substance use, or hope for the future.
You can begin with a residence don, academic advisor, accessibility office, campus health or counselling service, family doctor, or therapist. You do not need to wait until things are unbearable. Saying “I am having a harder time than I expected, and I think I need some support” is enough to start.
How can therapy help with university loneliness?
Therapy cannot manufacture a social circle. It can offer a place to explore what makes connection difficult right now—social anxiety, rejection sensitivity, homesickness, low mood, identity questions, conflict, or pressure to appear fine. It may also help you practise taking social risks, create steadier routines, and decide what kind of relationships you actually want.
Online therapy can be practical for Ontario students whose schedules, commutes, placements, or moves between home and campus make regular in-person appointments difficult.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to feel lonely in the first month of university?
Yes. University changes your routines, relationships, and sense of familiarity all at once. Many students need time and repeated contact before new friendships feel secure. Normal does not mean you have to handle it alone.
How long does it take to make friends at university?
There is no standard timeline. Some people connect quickly; others build friendships over a term or longer. Consistency—returning to the same people and places—usually matters more than the number of people you meet in one week.
What if it looks like everyone already has friends?
Early groups can look more established than they are. Many are based on residence floors, orientation events, or one shared class and will change over time. A group photo does not show how close people feel or what happens outside the frame.
Should I transfer or leave university because I feel lonely?
Loneliness is important information, but the first difficult weeks may not show what the full year will be like. Before making a major decision, consider academic deadlines, finances, housing, your reasons for choosing the program, and what support or changes you could test. If the environment is unsafe or your mental health is deteriorating, seek prompt support.
You do not have to feel at home yet
The beginning of university is often described as a fresh start. In real life, fresh starts can feel unfamiliar, effortful, and lonely before they feel exciting. You are not behind because belonging has not arrived on schedule.
Choose one repeatable place, make one small invitation, and let that be enough for this week. If loneliness is becoming heavier or harder to manage, A New Perspective Psychotherapy offers support for university students and young adults online across Ontario, with in-person appointments available in Toronto. You are welcome to book a free consultation to explore whether therapy may be a fit.
About the author
Kristin Kurian, RP, MHSc, MA, is a Registered Psychotherapist and the founder of A New Perspective Psychotherapy. She supports teens, young adults, and parents through anxiety, stress, relationship challenges, and life transitions in Toronto and online across Ontario.
Important: This article offers general information and is not a substitute for individualized medical or mental health care. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 9-1-1 or go to the nearest emergency department. If you are thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 in Canada, 24/7.
Sources and further reading
· Statistics Canada: Canadian Social Survey—Loneliness in Canada — August–September 2021 data; archived
· Government of Canada: Mental Health Support — 9-8-8 and urgent support
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